When does it begin to feel real?

How long will you be gone
   before it really hits me?
This is so stupid. I'll never be angry with you again. I'll neither hear you nor make new memories.

I'm stuck with only what I have.
It isn't
I wasn't paying the proper attention earlier.
I took you for granted. I don't remember enough!
I need more time, but the chance passed with your passing. I think I'll hate myself forever for thinking I'd never lose you.
I love you. And I'm sorry. And I miss you.